Acha and Tantrums

How to Avoid Tantrums

Although tantrums are part of daily life with some toddlers, they may be much less frequent or rare with others. However liable your child is to tantrums, though, you can prevent many by organising your toddler's life so that frustration stays within the limits of her tolerance most of the time. It's always worth avoiding tantrums if you can do so without compromising your own limits, because they do no positive good to either of you.

 

Organising Acha nye time table bukan susah sangat and I do realize that if Acha pergi Taska, emosi dia lebih stable and less tantrums compare kalau ke rumah nenek atau stay with me.  Waktu tidur Acha pun lebih teratur, waktu makan yang teratur dan sebagainya.

 

When you must force your child to do something unpleasant or forbid something she enjoys, do it as tactfully as you can. When you can see that she is getting angry or upset about something, try to make it easier for her to accept. Of course she must have her coat on if that's what you have said, but perhaps she needn't have the zipper done up yet? There is no virtue in challenging children with absolute "dos" and "don'ts" or in backing them into corners from which they can only explode in rage. Leave a dignified escape route.

 

Acha ada satu perangai kalau tak dapat buat sesuatu, dia akan mengamuk contoh, main lego dan tak dapat cantumkan certain part, dia akan mengamuk dan baling semua lego. It’s a challenge which sometimes I also dunno how to cope with it.

 

What to do if your toddler has a tantrum

Remember that her overwhelming rage terrifies her, make sure she does not hurt herself, or anyone or anything else. If she comes out of a tantrum to discover that she has banged her head, scratched your face or broken a vase, she will see the damage as proof of her own horrible power and evidence that when she cannot control herself, you do not have the power to control her and keep her safe, either.  It may be easiest to keep your toddler safe if you hold her, gently, on the floor. As she calms down, she finds herself close to you and she finds, to her amazement, that everything is quite unchanged by the storm. Slowly she relaxes and cuddles into your arms. Her screams subside into sobs; the furious monster becomes a pathetic baby who has screamed herself sick and frightened herself silly. It is comfort time. 

 

Acha suka buat orang lain kalau marah. Dia marah dan scratch tangan mummy, dan pernah cuba untuk tendang perut mummy. So I will try this out. Try to calm her down.

 

A few toddlers cannot bear to be held while they are having tantrums. The physical restriction drives them to fresh heights of anger and makes the whole affair worse. If your child reacts like this, don't insist on overpowering her. Remove anything she is obviously going to break and try to fend her off from physically hurting herself.  Don't try to argue or remonstrate with the child. While the tantrum lasts, she is beyond reason. Don't scream back if you can possibly help it. Anger is very infectious and you may well find yourself becoming angrier with every yell she utters. Try not to join in. If you do, you are likely to prolong the outburst because just as the toddler was about to calm down, she will become aware of your angry voice and it will start her off again. 

 

Mummy ada satu perangai which I’m trying to minimizing confront. Memang tak nak bergaduh and dengan Marsya and I will stay silent sampai kalau tahap dah tak boleh sabar, baru kena. Usually I let her do her mengamuk-ngamuk sampai dia puas, then I tengok je muka dia. Biar dia cool sendiri. But daddy yang selalu spoil, daddy yang akan marah dia balik then pujuk dia. That is why she is more to daddy.

 

Don't let the child feel rewarded or punished for a tantrum. You want her to see that tantrums, which are horrible for her, change nothing, either for or against her. I agree on this, itu selalu I just let her mengamuk, I wanted her to see to learn that, mengamuk will waste her time and no make useless for her, no advantage at all. 

If she threw the tantrum because you would not let her go out into the garden, don't change your mind and let her out now. Equally, if you had been going to take her for a walk before she had the tantrum, you should take her all the same, as soon as she is calm again. 

 

Don't let tantrums embarrass you into kid-glove handling. Many parents dread tantrums in public places but you must not let your toddler sense your concern. If you are reluctant to take her into the corner shop in case she throws a tantrum for sweets, or if you treat her with saccharin sweetness whenever visitors are present in case ordinary handling should provoke an outburst, she will soon realise what is going on. Once your toddler realises that her genuinely uncontrollable tantrums are having an effect on your behaviour towards her, she is bound to learn to use them. 

 

Handling tantrums

Assume that your child will not have a tantrum; behave as if you had never heard of the things and then treat them, when they occur, as unpleasant but completely irrelevant interludes in the day's ordinary events. It sounds easy, but it is not. I once visited a friend whose 20-month-old boy asked her to take the cover off his sandpit. She said, "Not now, nearly time for your bath," and returned to our conversation. The child tugged her arm to ask again but got no response. He then went to the sandpit and tried in vain to open it himself. He was tired and the frustration was too much for him. He exploded. When the tantrum was over and his mother had comforted him, she said to me: "I feel really mean. That was all my fault; I just didn't realise he wanted to play in the sand that badly." And she took the cover off for him after all. 

 

That mother's behaviour was easy to understand but also an excellent example of how not to handle tantrums! She said "no" to the child when he first asked for help without giving any real thought to his request. The child's own efforts to uncover the sand did not show her how passionately he wanted to play there because she was not paying attention to him. Only when he threw a tantrum did she realise that he really did want that sand and that there really wasn't any good reason for forbidding it. Of course she meant to make it up to the toddler by giving in after all, but it was too late for second thoughts. Hasty though it was, she should have stuck to her original "no" because by changing it to "yes" after the tantrum she must have made her child feel that his explosion had had a most desirable effect. It would have been better for both of them if she had taken a moment to listen and think when the toddler asked for help, rather than giving in when he screamed. 

 

It is not easy being a toddler, rocking wildly between those anxious and angry feelings. It is not easy being a toddler's parent, either, striving to stay on the centre of that emotional see-saw and to hold it in equilibrium. But time is on everybody's side. A lot of the emotional turbulence will have settled down by the time your toddler has completed her metamorphosis into a preschool child.

 

Outgrowing tantrums

Your toddler will get bigger, stronger and more able to manage things better; that means that she will meet less extreme frustration in her everyday life. She will get to know and understand more, too, so that her life contains fewer frightening novelties. As she becomes more fearless, she will stop needing quite so much reassurance from you. And gradually she will learn to talk freely not only about the things that she can see in front of her but about things she is thinking and imagining. Once she can talk in this way, she will sometimes be able to accept reassuring words in place of continual physical comfort. With the help of language she will also learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Once she reaches this point, she will at last be able to see both the unreality of most of her worst fears and the reasonableness of most of the demands and restrictions which you place on her. She will turn into a reasonable and communicative human being. Just give her time.

 

I know it is not easy to be a mom to a 30 month old, and pregnant of 37 weeks already (full term). It is tiring, exhausting and challenging after all. Acha nak attention, daddy pun perlukan attention mummy. Mummy of course have to take care myself so that mummy tak sakit, in healthy position. I have to think about all of you. Mummy also tried to decrease in tense supaya senang nak deliver boboi nanti. Kena fikir lots of things rasanya. Hopefully segala jalan di permudahkan Allah. Aminnnnnn.

Marsya @ 2 years 6th month

Yeahhhh...Marsya sudah 2 tahun setengah..20.03.2013. She has grown up. She is amazing, lovely cheerful lil lady yeah! Okey, pagi -pagi on the way ke taska:-

'Daddy, masuk sini daddy' tunjuk arah ke lorong lain. Kami (buat tak tahu) @

'Acha nak tido lagi' Pura-pura pejamkan mata@

'Acha nak pegi tonas (Petronas)@

Paling kronik 'Acha sakit perut'. Sambil kerut-kerutkan muka.

Hahahahha. Tak payah tipu kitorang okey, we know your trick.

Masa balik dari taska, akan menjerit-jerit kesukaan panggil daddy, mummy! Dan cakap bye bye friends! Salam cikgu dan balik.

Daddy akan tanya nama kawan-kawan dan dia akan sebut 'Alif, Budin, Mia (Amira), Alisha, Aisha, Wawan, Thaqif...bla bla. Daddy akan point everyone and asked Acha mention their names. 

Daddy sangat suka la show off sebijik macam Acha.

Mummy since pregnant, only sit in the car, daddy akan hantar and ambil Acha.

Marsya sangat suka bercakap and before she sleep, she will asked me many questions. 

'Mummy, daddy mana?' Kalau daddy takde.

'Daddy pergi main badminton'

Dan semalam dia minta main badminton dengan daddy sebab dia cakap 'Acha dah besar, boleh main badminton'. Daddy hanya sengih-sengih. Hahahahahah

Masa hari pertama bibik sampai, Acha show off talent menyanyi dia kat bibik. Dia suruh on tab then dia nyanyi lagu muara hati. Okey, mummy pun kadang-kadang ada rasa nak muntah dengan Acha. Hahahahahahhaah.

Perangai bossy nya juga kelihatan. Dia suruh bibik dukung dia kalau nampak kelibat bibik itu. Sangat senang nak attach dengan orang yang kadang-kadang mummy pun takut. Marsya tak suruh mummy dukung dia sebab rasa dia faham dalam perut ada adik. Dia cuma akan minta daddy yang dukungkan.

Tapi sejak baik demam nakal semakin menjadi-jadi. Meragam. Menangis kalau tak dapat buat sesuatu, tak di beri perhatian. Pandai melawan juga. Dia akan daring mummy kalau mummy daring dia. Ye, anak itu adalah contoh perlakuan ibu bapanya. 

I was selalu kalau high tempered sangat, mummy akan pandang dia, jengilkan biji mata dan tenung anak mata dia. Sekarang dia pulak buat mummy macamtu. Apakah????? Selagi boleh sabar, memang mummy sabar tapi ada jugak yang dah hilang sabar, mummy pukul kaki dia.

Then tiba-tba bibik naik ke bilik, tanya mummy samada nak makan ke tak, dia terus pergi kat bibik. Merajuk. Oh, please la. Hahahhaahh.

Then I realized that she is already two and half year and she in the process of learning, experiencing and everything. I tried not to control what she wanted to do, what she trying to do because let her explore everything. And mummy juga tak bagi bibik jaga Acha cos mummy rasa development skills kat taska is better than maid.

Yela, maid Indonesian, karang ajar cakap Indon karang. Kat taska, Marsya dah terer baca doa makan, mewarna, pegang pensel dan lain - lain aktiviti. She got good social skills, boleh get along with people and tak la diva sangat. Kalau dengan orang yang dia suka, sekejap dah jadi kawan. Kalau dengan orang yang dia tak berapa suka, dia takkan sebut nama and tak nak kawan orang itu. Senang nak predict perangai dia.

So, untuk boboi, mummy pun dah plan once boboi dah jalan and above one year, mummy akan hantar ke taska jugak. Mummy tak mau la anak- anak mummy nanti tak reti banyak benda cos in current life ni, budak-budak sangat competitive. Kena independent, strong skills here and there. Bukan macam zaman mummy dulu. Its really different now.

At least, you all can stand by your own, in your own feet and making your own destiny. Good Luck for future dear both!

Marsya Sakit

Marsya sakit. Lama. Seminggu. Mula - mula hari Rabu last week (6th March) dah macam dedar (panas-panas suam) then nenek ambil and bawa balik keKLM. So Acha duduk dengan nenek for two days la. Mummy ke KLM hari Jumaat tengok Acha okey je. Mumy dengan Acha stay for two more days dengan nenek.

Its because daddy's uncle, Uncle Jalal passed away. Innalillah. Moga rohnya bersama orang-orang yang beriman, InsyaAllah. Mummy couldn't take long journey. Sakit belakang, sakit kaki. So, mummy tak ikut balik Kuantan.

Then hari Ahad tu, badan Acha panas tiba-tiba. Bagi ubat tapi masih panas lagi. Isnin tu bawa ke Klinik Ding. Doc bagi antibiotic tapi Acha refuse nak telan, sikit-sikit je yang masuk mulut. Mummy dapat MC. Tapi sampai hari Rabu masih panas lagi. Mummy dah EL dua hari.

Kami tak puashati, kami ke Colombia. Jumpa Doc Cheah. Nice doc. Dia advice that ambil ubat demam and selsema baru, tengok for two days. And he claimed that supposed to be well on Friday. Thursday tu nenek datang jaga Marsya and Mummy ke office sehari.

Tapi condition Marsya still tak berubah. Panas berlarutan, nangis dan rengekan. This time paling worst dalam hidup mummy and daddy sebab langsung tak nak makan and you are crying most times. Mummy ikut jadual yang Doc Cheah bagi tapi selalunya bila dah dekat 6 hours tu for fever medicine, panas makin tinggi. I was like, apehal ni, takkan tak kebah langsung kan?

Jumaat tu mummy EL lagi cos nenek pulak tak sihat and dah tak larat nak jaga Marsya. You know what, the whole week I am crying alone because I was like super exhausted for everything happen. Tak sepatutnya mummy putus asa kan?

Friday morning tu jugak, mummy dah tak tahan, ajak daddy pergi DEMC. Rasa macam we will do everything la asalkan sihat. Masa tu, 39.5 okey! Attendance terus bagi ubat ikut punggung and buat blood test.

Then baru jumpa Doc Tg Arizal. Blood test result kata sel darah putih dah lebih banyak dari biasa. Mula - mula mummy macam confuse cos for me, white blood ni kalau tinggi refer to sakit luar biasa kan? Tapi Doc cakap its because bacteria infection yang dah banyak. Okey, lega mummy dengar. I was like thinking bukan-bukan dah.

Doc suruh admit je sebab doc cakap diorang akan bagi antibiotic baru tapi rasa Acha takkan makan ubat tu so it will be waste je kan. Doc nak masuk ubat ikut tangan. Mummy pandang muka daddy. He is in denial position. I know that look, so mummy cakap tak nak, we will try give you antibiotic.

After masuk ubat ikut punggung tu, Acha da takde high fever sangat, terus cold for like 10 hours, tu pun naik sikit je. Like dedar je, buka high fever lagi. Alhamdulilah.

Antibiotic baru ni tak la macam antibiotic Doc Ding yang ada biji tu but Doc Arizal kata, antibiotic Ding is one of the best antibiotic. I was bring all your medicine ke DEMC. Hahahahahah. Ada kakak yang kat hospital tu dah pandang-pandang all plastics in my hand. Mesti dia pelik, hahahahaha. Dengan Doc Ding punya ubat, dengan Doc Cheah punya ubat mummy bawa.

Parents: It is important if you want to see another doctor, (if the first / second check up doesn't satisfied you) need to bring all medication that you have gave to your children for Doc references!

Then, Doc Arizal advice continue je Doc Cheah punya medicine, plus new antibiotic and the whole Saturday Acha look fine, but antibiotic and flu medicine mummy still bagi. Antibiotic kena habiskan. Daddy paksa Acha makan and terpaksa la Acha telan every drops sebab I know that daddy memang  tak nak sangat - sangat Acha admit. Lagipun Doc Arizal dah advice, kena monitor dalam dua hari ni, kalau tak dia suruh admit.

Sebenarnya, bukanlah kata Doc Ding, Doc Cheah tak bagus. I think both of them memang good doctor including Doc Arizal. In fact, bila Doc Arizal kata antibiotic Doc Ding is one of the best antibiotic, just Acha yang susah nak telan tu yang tak surut - surut juga demam Acha. Doc Cheah is a paed ye kat Colombia. Kalau kat Colombia, kita boleh terus jumpa paed, tak macam DEMC. Paed boleh jumpa if ada appointment sahaja. Doc Arizal is general doc there bukan paed. Kalau tak silap mummy, before ni pun kitorang pernah jumpa Doc Arizal jugak (neb kat DEMC) masa Acha 7 month.

Sebenarnya ini semua ujian untuk mummy and daddy especially mummy supaya lebih bersabar. Thanks to the three doctor. Memang after this, kalau anak-anak tak sihat, mummy senang pergi Doc Ding je sebab dekat. Sakit Acha sampai kena jumpa 3 doctor baru nak sembuh! Aiyaaaa.. Cuma Acha makin buat perangai sejak nak dapat adik ni. Entah kenapa asyik nak nangis sana sini pun tak tahulah.

Plus bila anak sakit, it depressed me and mummy tried to eat a lot. Mummy takut  Isnin nanti time check up, berat turun lagi. Mummy kalau susah hati memang nampak cepat la susut badan. Doc Mazita dah pesan jangan turun lagi berat badan. Huhuhuhuhu.

And more thing, lepas ni, mummy akan jadi selfish. I will only care my daughter and myself and of course my husband and family la. Dulu anak sakit, mummy takkan ambil cuti, nenek yang datang jagakan. Then, at one time I felt like being used pulak. I should take care of my daughter la kan. Sebab time Acha sakit, I don't think that nobody even cares!

I stay up late night to take care of you, I am pregnant some more, I am tired but 'they' never care. All that they want I am doing my work. So from now on, I will be SELFISH!

Kerja takkan membantu kalau sakit, so I will take care of myself first of all. Dah dapat tengok dah perangai sesetengah orang tu. 

Okla anak-anak mummy, pesan mummy, jaga diri jaga kesihatan diri dan keluarga. Semoga anak-anak mummy menjadi anak yang dapat memberi manfaat kehidupannya kepada dirinya dan kepada orang lain, insyaAllah. Aminnnnnn.

P/S: maksudnya, pekerjaan seperti doctor /  pengajar: beri manfaat kepada diri (pahala untuk akhirat) dan orang lain (bantu orang sakit / mendidik orang lain)

Boboi mummy

Inila gambar 3D scan yang di ambil pada 4/1/2013. When the doc scan baby, my due date was 13th April, and Doc cakap it seems like besar seminggu so mummy put 7th April as a dateline. Senang kan. Susahnya nak ambil gambar muka dia, asyik tutup dengan tangan.

The explanation was so good. Doc explain every line, everything bout the the baby. InsyaAllah dengan izin Nya, baby ni sihat dan sempurna hendaknya. Amin.

One more thing, masa Marsya mummy tak sempat nak buat 3D ni, but second baby ni excited pulak. Sorry ye Marsya!

Baby tak malu-malu nak menunjukkan gender secara terang - terangan.

Tengokla tu dia show off his bebird. Hahahahahahhaha..